Sugar Hill Church

What Forgiveness Is... and Isn't

Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. Forgiveness is not pretending you weren't hurt. Forgiveness is not allowing yourself to be abused. And forgiveness is definitely not forgetting.

That's 490 times! But Jesus isn't giving us a specific number here. He's saying forgiveness isn't something you count. It's not transactional. It's a posture. A way of being. A rhythm of life.

Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt they owe you.

So forgiveness is an act of grace. It's giving someone something they don't deserve. It's canceling a debt they can't repay.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself as much as for the other person.

"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."
- Anne Lamott

Long-Term Effects of Forgiveness on Mental Health:
- Reduced Anxiety and Depression: Forgiveness is consistently linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression in the long term.
- Lower Chronic Stress: Longitudinal studies show that increased forgiveness leads to sustained reductions in stress, which is a key factor in maintaining mental health over time.
- Improved Self-Esteem and Hope: Forgiveness increases self-esteem and hopefulness for the future, contributing to greater emotional resilience and life satisfaction.
- Less Anger and Hostility: Letting go of grudges results in less anger and hostility, which helps prevent toxic emotional patterns and promotes emotional stability.
- Better Overall Psychological Well-Being: People who practice forgiveness tend to have healthier relationships, greater life satisfaction, and improved psychological health outcomes over the years.

True forgiveness often requires something divine, something beyond our natural abilities.

When we forgive, we're not saying there are no consequences for actions. We're saying we're entrusting justice to God rather than appointing ourselves as judge, jury, and executioner.

But resentment is a prison, not a protection.

What we hold onto, holds onto us. What we release, releases us.

How to Forgive, Practically

First, we need to acknowledge the full extent of the hurt. Forgiveness that minimizes the offense isn't real forgiveness. It's avoidance.

Second, recognize that forgiveness is often a season, not a one-time event.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
- Lewis Smedes

Third, separate the person from their actions.

Fourth, release your right to get even.

Fifth, remember that you're forgiven too.

We who have been forgiven much should extend that same grace to others.

Sixth, sometimes we need to forgive ourselves.

Finally, recognize that we need divine help to forgive.

The End Result of Healthy Forgiveness

First, there's freedom.

Second, forgiveness leads to healing.

Third, forgiveness restores our capacity for joy.

And finally, forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation—not always, but sometimes.

And now He invites us to continue this work of reconciliation in our world. To be people who forgive as we have been forgiven. To be people who heal rather than hurt. To be people who build bridges rather than walls.

- So where do you need to forgive today?
- Who has hurt you that you've been holding onto?
- What resentment has become a prison for your heart?