Colossians 3:18–21 (ESV) - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

One of the best gifts you can give your children is a godly marriage.

Colossians 3:20 (ESV) - Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Why does Paul mention this?
1. To remind us of the family structure.

Exodus 20:12 (ESV) - “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

2. Because we all need to learn to respect authority and it begins in the home from the youngest age.

Proverbs 22:15 (ESV) - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV) - For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) - Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Hebrews 13:17 (ESV) - Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Romans 1:30 (ESV) - …slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,

2 Timothy 3:1–5 (ESV) - But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

3. To be clear on what pleases God.

Colossians 1:10 (ESV) - …walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

2 Corinthians 5:9 (ESV) - So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

Parents have the responsibility to teach this – to guide the heart of their child in this direction.

Colossians 3:21 (ESV) - Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Ephesians 6:1–4 (ESV) - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Unintended consequence – lest they become discouraged

Positive instruction – bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

Proverbs 18:14 (ESV) - A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 18:21 (ESV) - Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Demanding Obedience: …provoking to anger
1. Based on rules, not relationship.

2. More often about the comfort and convenience of the parent than it is about what is good for the child.

A biblical view of authority is this – Authority is never to be used in a self-serving manner; it is always to be used for the good and blessing of those you lead.

Nurture Obedience: …bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4)

1. Be mindful of tone and posture as well as actual words. Be willing to ask your child if there is a way you communicate that is frustrating to them.

Proverbs 18:13 (ESV) - If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Psalm 103:13 (ESV) - As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

2. Start young – a child begins resisting authority very early.

3. Parent with clarity, consistency, conviction and consequence.
· Clarity – make sure your child knows what you are asking of them. The younger your child the more concrete and simple the instruction needs to be.

· Consistency – from parent to parent and day to day.

- Conviction - what is biblical and what is preference?

· Consequence – Evaluate, Determine, Follow Through

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV) - For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

4. Acknowledge obedience
· CAUTION – don’t use reward as a tool of selfish manipulation

Discussion Questions (Please read Colossians 3:18-21 and pray before beginning)

1. Why is it important to recognize God as the creator of the family structure? How does this impact how we treat one another within a family?

2. How does learning to respect authority in the home prepare children for other areas of life?

3. What are some common struggles parents face in raising children to respect authority? How can we encourage obedience while still fostering a loving relationship?

4. What is the difference between demanding obedience and nurturing obedience? Why is one more effective than the other?

5. How can parents discipline their children in a way that is both firm and loving? What biblical principles support this approach?

6. What role does encouragement and affirmation play in parenting? How can parents avoid discouraging their children?

7. In what ways can our church family support and encourage you (as a parent/guardian) and your children in your spiritual growth?