Grace Community Church, Arlington, TX

How does a marriage, or a family, or a church make progress in unity? The answer is, be Hard to Offend and Quick to Forgive.

Last week we spent some time talking about the key to being hard to offend is to be lowly in spirit so that you can patiently endure the sins of others against you. The proud are easy to offend, the humble are hard to offend. So, be humble so you will be hard to offend.

Unresolved anger, unforgiveness, can give the devil a place in your life. It can give the devil an inroad of control in your life.

Unforgiveness can caused you to be turned over to the torturers. Unforgiveness is a demonic inroad. Do you have unforgiveness towards someone today?

A root of bitterness can give the devil an inroad of control into your life, resulting in many being defiled.

Is there someone in your life who has deeply hurt you, painfully wronged you, even betrayed you? It is always easier to hate than it is to forgive. But the problem with hate is that when any of us hates another, when we refuse to forgive, we open the door for the devil to have some control in our lives. We allow the devil to bring us into a prison of sorts.

There is just one antidote for hatred and resentment and bitterness. It is forgiveness. In fact, God commands us to forgive others, no matter how horrible they may have hurt you, wronged you, or betrayed you.

When Jesus teaches His disciples to pray, He teaches them to pray like this...

Then He adds this...

Jesus is making a correlation here between the way you and I treat our debtors and the way God Almighty will treat us. No one in this room can afford to walk in unforgiveness. We need to forgive like we have been forgiven. And when God forgives us, He forgets our sins. Forgiveness is serious business, so in light of how important it is that we forgive, no matter how much we’ve been hurt, let’s answer some important questions about the subject of forgiveness.

A. To forgive someone does not mean to excuse or tolerate wrongdoing.
It doesn’t mean putting up with that which is not to be put up with. Some of you have
experienced very deep wounds. You were abused maybe or betrayed. Forgiving that person does
not mean that you let it happen again. You absolutely don’t!!

B. Forgiving may not mean that reconciliation occurs.
There is a difference between forgiving somebody and reconciling with someone. If somebody sins against you and refuses to acknowledge the truth and refuses to repent, you may not be able to reconcile. You cannot build on a relationship unless there is a mutually shared understanding of truth and repentance where it’s appropriate.

C. Forgiving does not mean the absence of serious consequences for sin.
It doesn’t mean that they get away with wrongdoing. For example, if a law is broken, they can be forgiven, but there are still consequences for breaking the law.

God has commanded us to forgive. And we should notice that the very word "Forgive” contains the word “give”. It will cost you something. Forgiveness always costs.

2. Why should I Forgive?
When we refuse to forgive someone who has hurt or offended us, four things happen to us.

A. When we refuse to forgive, we wreck our relationship with God.
If we don’t forgive others, God won’t forgive us. The most important thing that we have in our lives is our relationship with God. To choose not to forgive is to lose that.

If we hold on to our anger and our hate, our bitterness and our resentment. If we refuse to forgive, then we give the devil a place. We give a place to “the one who separates”.

Nobody is tortured as much as someone who is bitter. Bitter people are miserable people. They live life in a prison that they have built because they refuse to forgive.

Now, listen carefully, even in those cases where reconciliation is impossible, it is absolutely necessary for you to forgive so that you will not be handed over to the torturers. Forgiveness is something good that you do for yourself.

In the New Testament the most common Greek word for forgiveness means, to release, to hurl away, to free yourself. What it means to forgive someone is it means that you let go of your right to hurt them back. You let go of your desire to see them hurt. It costs a lot to forgive, but to not forgive costs you a lot more.

The word “resentment” means, literally, “to feel again,”: resentment clings to the past, relives it over and over, picks each fresh scab so that the wound never heals.

So many people are experiencing emotional pain simply because of their inability, for whatever reason, to either grant or receive forgiveness. And emotional pain, nurtured long enough, will eventually result in physical pain. An upset mind will produce an upset body.

In their anger they become bitter and harbor resentment and begin to live life as a sarcastic, angry, bitter person who refuses to ever let anyone get close to them again lest they get hurt again. And in their bitterness, they find themselves more and more alone. And it is as if they are sucking on a poison pill waiting for the other person to die. When in reality they are killing themselves.

Forgiving is cutting the person free from their deserved penalty. It is outrageously costly because all true forgiveness is Substitutional. No one ever really forgives another, except he bears the penalty of the other’s sin against himself.

Jesus was the substitute for us. He bore the wrath of sin, and paid the price we should have paid for our transgressions.

Forgiveness is a free gift or it amounts to nothing at all. It is not to be a receipt for payment in full. It’s an underserved pardon, an unwarranted release, with no strings attached...or its not genuine forgiveness. If you postpone forgiveness until the last angry installment has been extracted, complete with interest, it’s not forgiveness-it’s pure revenge!

3. How do I Forgive?
From the heart, the part in the definition of forgiveness where you wish them well.

The first part of forgiving someone is giving up the right for revenge. But then you wish them well before God. That is where the heart comes in. And that is where most miss it.

Remember, Jesus said to pray for those who persecute you… And bless those who curse you. When someone has hurt us, wronged us, betrayed us, they have persecuted us. So, where do I begin? Begin by praying for them. When you pray for them, begin to pray for God’s blessing on them. As you do that, your heart will change and eventually you will be able to wish them well before God and really mean it.

Well, that is the truth about forgiveness, now you must choose. Vengeance or mercy, hatred or forgiveness, prison or freedom, now it's up to you.

Then the king says, “take him away and throw him into prison.” Then Jesus says these very sobering Words, ‘And this is how my Heavenly Father will treat every one of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

And that is where some of you are right now. You are in prison because of your unforgiveness. But today you can walk out of that prison, free!