Neighborhood Church

We were created for relationships.

If you want to kill a relationship, dwell on what’s wrong.

Your life moves in the direction of your strongest thoughts.

Don’t let negative become your normal.

Signs That Negativity Might Be Your Normal:
• You tend to be perfectionistic, and if something is not perfect, you criticize it.
• You are critical of others and tend to view events from a negative vantage point.
• When your partner or children ask you for something, your default response is usually no rather than yes.
• Most of the time, you are in a bad mood.
• You spend a lot of time dwelling on bad events or painful memories, rather than moving forward and focusing on the positive.

83% of troubled marriages said, “My partner is too negative or critical.
80% of troubled marriages said, “My partner makes comments that put me down.”

Small, unloving interactions repeated over days, months, and years damage the sense of physical and emotional intimacy between two people.
April Eldemire

Where Does Negativity Come From?
• We're holding onto past offenses
• We're not clearly expressing our needs
• We’re ignoring unresolved issues
• We’re not taking care of our own mental and physical well-being
• We have unfair expectations of our spouse's behaviors
• We are reacting to our spouse’s negativity
• We project our own stresses onto them
• We may be taking our spouses for granted

Negativity Bias

Common Cognitive Distortions
• “All or Nothing” thinking
• Discounting the positive
• Jumping to conclusions
• Catastrophizing

The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict.

For every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.

Don’t let negative be your normal. Instead, let love lead you.

We are a community that is led by love.