It’s not only what you say, but HOW you say it.

Our tongue is an incredibly powerful tool God has given us.


Proverbs 18:21 (ESV) - Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.


Proverbs 12:18 (ESV) - There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Luke 6:43–45 (ESV) - “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, 44for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Your words are a reflection of your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 (ESV) - Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

A message about speech is really a message about loving God more!

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

1. Honor vs. Destruction
Proverbs 12:25 (ESV) - Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Proverbs 15:1 (ESV) - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:4 (ESV) - A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Proverbs 16:24 (ESV) - Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Proverbs 25:11 (ESV) - A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

2. Truth vs. Lying
Proverbs 8:6–8 (ESV) - Hear, for I will speak noble things, and from my lips will come what is right, 7for my mouth will utter truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips. 8All the words of my mouth are righteous; there is nothing twisted or crooked in them.

Proverbs 12:19 (ESV) - Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Proverbs 12:22 (ESV) - Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Proverbs 17:20 (ESV) - A man of crooked heart does not discover good, and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.

Proverbs 24:26 (ESV) - Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.

Proverbs 26:24–28 (ESV) - Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; 25when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; 26though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. 27Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. 28A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

3. Protecting vs. Gossip/Slander
Proverbs 11:13 (ESV) - Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Proverbs 17:9 (ESV) - Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 20:19 (ESV) - Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

Proverbs 31:8–9 (ESV) - Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

4. Honesty vs. Flattery
Proverbs 29:5 (ESV) - A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.

Proverbs 28:23 (ESV) - Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

5. Careful and Wise Advice vs. Reckless Advice
Proverbs 15:28 (ESV) - The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 18:13 (ESV) - If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 17:28 (ESV) - Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used for…

6. Humility vs. Boasting
Proverbs 27:2 (ESV) - Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.

For one who is loving God in an increasing manner, words will be used…

7. With Restraint
Proverbs 10:19 (ESV) - When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Proverbs 17:27 (ESV) - Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 (ESV) - Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.

Proverbs 10:21 (ESV) - The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Colossians 4:5–6 (ESV) - Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. 6Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Discussion Questions

1. What is one of your favorite things to talk about with others?
2. Read Proverbs 6:16-19. Of the seven things God hates, which three involve the tongue?
3. Read Proverbs 18:8. Many people thrive on gossip. What do you suppose happens to a person who listens to gossip and thereby lets it go into his inmost parts?
4. Based on Ephesians 4:29, discuss what it looks like to speak what is only good and build others up in a variety of situations (“as fits the occasion”).
a. When a co-worker blows it on a project.
b. When a classmate starts slandering one of your friends.
c. When your child is disrespectful.
d. When your spouse doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to you.
e. Etc.