Week 1 - Acknowledging the Hurt
Week 2 - Forgiving
Week 3 - Preventing the Hurt - Keeping Offense from Becoming Hurt
Week 4 - Being the Healing - What the Church Should Be

Matthew 22:34-40
34 But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

I read this to you this morning to illustrate a truth that there are tons of ways for us to bring healing into peoples’ lives. That is not to say that healing is by our power, but we cannot forget James 5:16: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. You go to God for forgiveness, but you come to people for healing. We can have a godly hand in bringing healing to people.

What do we need to do in order to be who the church should be?
How could we list everything? What you say, what you think, how you act, how you help, how you serve, In 1878 Charles Spurgeon wrote a nearly 8000 word sermon on what the church should be. To give you context an average message here has 3000 words.

If you Googled it you would get:
- 10 things churches should do
- 7 things you want in a church
- 11 traits of a church
- this is the ONE thing churches should do
- EVEN - 5 things the church needs to stop doing now.

Community, commitment, involvement, worship, evangelism, etc., that list would go on forever. How do we narrow down “being who the church should be” in a 35 minute message?

We have to do what Jesus did with the Law and Prophets. We have to narrow it down to 2-3 “commandments” that are what the rest is built upon. If you look hard enough, you can see that Jesus’ summation of the Law and Prophets focused less on what you do and more on who you are. Jesus was - and is - more concerned with your being than your doing. What you do is influenced by what you believe, by who you really are. You are not what you eat. You are what you believe.

Jesus essentially told them, “It isn’t about the doing. It is about these three things: Reference 1 John 4:7-11
- First, the love between you and God, which is understanding you are loved by him and therefore can love him.

- Second, the love between you and people, which is understanding that because you’ve received God’s love, you can love others.

- Third, the love between you and yourself, which is understanding who God is, who you are, and that you should love what God loves.

It is so much the same with being who we are supposed to be as the church. If we can understand a few things and really embrace them, we can not only help people deal with existing hurt, we can help prevent it and be a part of healing it.

1. Love people.
What does it mean to really love someone? Common thoughts on love:
- Romantically “You complete me.”
- Friendship “Band of Brothers.”
- Kids “You’ll have to come through me first.”

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Sacrificial love is what this is. This is the love Jesus had for us. It is a love that is not expecting a return, but just for the sake of the object of our love being saved. That is Agape love.

Is God really asking us to lay down our lives for others? Perhaps not literally, but maybe. Is there something bigger at play here than physical sacrifice? Yes, there is a principle here: LOVE WITHOUT CONDITION. Simply, love for the sake of the person, not for the sake of what is reciprocated.

Romans 12:9-10 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Hate what is wrong - This clause is there for those moments when the person is engaged in something that could potentially make them unlovable. You hate the sin in them that is wrong.

Hold tightly to what is good - This clause is there to remind you to hold tightly to what God gave everything for. To remind you to love the person.

It can be too easy to hate the sin and hate the person, but God wants to remind you of two things: 1 You are a sinner who needs love, too, and 2 they are just as worthy of receiving the righteousness of God as you are.
When you put the wrong in them and the right in them in the proper perspective, you can actually love them like God loves them. This makes you choose kindness over attitude.

Remember, it is God’s kindness that leads people to repentance. Not his anger, and not your attitude. You will never fix a broken thing by beating it into the ground. People, too.

When we actually love people, we find ways to honor them rather than uncover them.

1 Peter 4:8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.Uncovering exposes, and exposure makes our sense of justice squirm with delight.

We all want justice until we’re the one that was wrong. Most times, you cannot have justice and restoration. Justice and vengeance walk hand in hand. Forgiveness and restoration walk hand in hand. Justice and restoration, vengeance and forgiveness, these are unequally yoked. WHY?
Justice and vengeance seek getting even. Forgiveness and restoration seek righteousness.

So actually loving people means letting them get away with hurting me and others? No. Actually loving people helps keep you from hurting others. Loving people is an invitation to seeing God’s best in others.

Secular love:I want you to have what you think is best for you.

Godly love: I want you to have what God thinks is best for you.

When we seek justice, we might say we want God’s best for them, but we’re really just wanting our best for us. That is not love. That is selfishness. That is fear.

What about that honoring bit? How can I honor someone who intentionally hurt me?

This is the trick of the enemy in this area. He makes you think that justice is how you handle hurt but when you reach for justice instead of love, you get even, but you also can so easily hurt others because you become singularly focused on getting even.

For so many this isn’t out of hate. It is an attempt to to understand why you were hurt to begin with. This is why you have to see that honoring someone is not about ignoring the hurt or letting them get away with it, it is about righting the wrong but in God’s way, not our own.

Romans 12:10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other

When someone hurts us, it devalues us. We feel that devaluation and it devastates us. The result is hurt. This is what Satan wants. And in return, he wants you to devalue that person. You treat me badly, I’ll treat you badly.
It becomes a vicious game of devaluing, but look at the word honor in Greek: τιμή (tee-may): to honor, respect, to perceive the value of.

Why do you need to really love people, even people who hurt you?
Because if you don’t you can’t properly perceive their value and if you can never see their value, you can never see their restoration.

How would your life change if rather than seeking justice and getting even, you began to love, to honor, to seek restoration?

Not everyone will physically be restored with that person who hurt you, but a heart that is full of love instead of justice can see the value in that person and pray for their restoration to God. This is so true when dealing with huge traumatic hurts from your past, but when it comes to hurt in church, this is how we keep from breaking relationship so restoration has the opportunity to happen.

ACTUALLY love people.

2. Build people

Verses
Romans 15:1-2 1 We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. 2 We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.

Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:11, 16 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ…16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 9 For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, 10 who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Look at all the language of building in these verses! It is constantly throughout the Bible.

TikTok: Videos of guys building a brick wall. When the bricklayer turns to grab a new brick, a guy behind him grabs the brick he just laid. They go nowhere! This might be funny in a TikTok, but in the church it is horrible! No matter the organization, not everyone has your best interest in mind!

Remember the 5:
Know You, Know God, Love You, Love God, Have Your Best Interest In Mind

We naturally want to avoid those who seek to tear down, but we want to embrace those who build us up! No one ever got angry upset and offended by a genuine compliment. "Hey you look incredible today! I love your hair!"
"Hey I wanted you to know that I am offended because you prayed for me and I was encouraged and God came through, but how dare you assume I needed your prayers" - SAID NO ONE EVER.

When we edify people, it at the minimum makes them feel cared for and at the maximum makes them feel genuinely loved!

A great example of this is Peter and Jesus.

Matthew 16:13-19 13 …Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Talk about building up! Jesus was the best at calling greatness out of people! When you spend more time looking for greatness in someone than offense from them, you get a front row seat to the greatness that will spring from their lives!

Four verses later, Jesus called Peter satan and told him to get behind him. That was building, too.

You don’t need yes people. You need godly people. You need people who are willing to have the hard conversation to see God’s best in you.

Sometimes to build well I have to tear out. Tearing out and tearing down are two different things.
- A person who tears you down is trying to destroy you.
- A person who tears out is trying to repair you.

Have the wisdom to learn the difference.

Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend

That corrective moment might hurt, but from someone who loves you and is trying to build you, they are beneficial.

3. Do What Love Does
Before I talked about doing vs being. God is more concerned with your being than your doing. Loving people requires you to be loving. Building people requires you be a builder. These are intentional and have to flow from your being. A guy who isn’t a builder but does some diy on the side isn’t a builder, he’s a weekend warrior. We have a lot of those in church. They look the part on Sunday, but they aren’t the part anytime else! Let’s actually BE lovers and builders! Which is why this short last point.

When you do what love does, you get what love gets.
What if you loved someone rather than sought revenge? What does it mean to love them?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Does this describe who I am when it comes to others?

John 14:15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

Translation: if your being is godly, your doing will be too.
If you love people, you’ll build them.
If you build them, you’ll heal them.

Tying this all together...
How can doing these three things heal those who have been hurt?
- Healthy reveals unhealthy. When I got to NCC and I saw what healthy looked like, I realized how much disease was in me. I got better because I was finally in a place where I could learn what healthy was.

- Safe places create opportunities for God’s graces. When someone is safe, they are willing to let their guard down, open up, be vulnerable, and actually allow God’s grace to move in and clean things up. People can heal when they are not in danger of being hurt again.

The more passionately and perfectly we can love, build and do what love does, the more powerful and rapidly people can heal.

What if you chose love over justice?
What if you chose building up over tearing down?
What if you chose to do what love does?

How would your life be better? How much better would you be at rejecting offenses? How much better would you be at being the healing in other peoples’ lives?

Here’s how we land today.
I will ask you to do something bold. If you are dealing with hurt today that is painful to the point where you are stopped dead in your track, I want you to connect with us using the link below.

You feel like you are stuck until you deal with this. Today we are going to walk in healing by allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us to bring healing to others.

For those who have hurts right now and you don’t know if you can pray for someone else,
I understand, but remember two verses:
The golden rule, do unto others as you would have the do unto you, and
he who waters will himself be watered.

As you extend love and encouragement to others, be encouraged today yourself.

Let’s pray

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?