We’ve Acknowledged the Hurt
We’ve Forgiven the Hurt

Today, it is Preventing the Hurt

Before you say, “Yeah, I needed this years ago,” let me encourage you that you need it today as much as you did years ago. If we are going to prevent hurt, we need to know how hurt happens.

How does hurt happen?
Hurts always happen when people are doing things like the following:
(FYI I used WE because we ALL can hurt people, and probably have)

- We develop unreasonable expectations of people in the church or the church itself.
- We put absolute faith and trust in a person.
- We aren’t focusing on the Kingdom (self-focused Christianity)
- We expect perfection from people (and grace for ourselves).
- We are selfish, promoting our own agenda and wants.
- We blame church people for our own personal problems.
- We expect the church to fix our problems instead of Jesus.
- We aren’t getting what we want when we want it.
- We don’t treat people how we want to be treated.
- We aren’t FATIES (faithful, available, teachable, initiators, encouragers, service oriented)
- We are more committed to our truth than to God’s truth.
- We aren’t committed to love and forgiveness.
- We get caught up in the offenses of others.
- We are attending but not growing because we aren’t internalizing what we’ve heard.
- We have so much hurt in us that we hurt others, both unintentionally and intentionally.
- We aren’t a Christian to begin with.

Now I know that no on sin here does anything like this or has done anything like this, but when things like this happens, our response is typically offense.

Jesus had some real encouraging words about offenses:

Luke 17:1
Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come…”

Awesome…

Interesting that offense, while we normally think it to mean to hurt or harm, perhaps even to violate law, the root of it comes from a Latin word that means to hit, strike, wound, to sin against someone. If we are going to prevent hurt, then all we have to do is get away from people who hit, strike, wound, and sin against us.

“It is impossible that no offenses should come.”

God created a system where we need people, whether you like that or not. You cannot function without human interaction. But human interaction carries with it the potential for - no, the guarantee of - offense.

This is the question:
How do we prevent offense, thereby preventing hurt?

1. Know that offenses will come.

Nehemiah 6:1-9
1 Now when Sanballat and Tobiah and Geshem the Arab and the rest of our enemies heard that I had built the wall and that there was no breach left in it (although up to that time I had not set up the doors in the gates), 2 Sanballat and Geshem sent to me, saying, “Come and let us meet together at Hakkephirim in the plain of Ono.” But they intended to do me harm. 3 And I sent messengers to them, saying, “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?” 4 And they sent to me four times in this way, and I answered them in the same manner. 5 In the same way Sanballat for the fifth time sent his servant to me with an open letter in his hand. 6 In it was written, “It is reported among the nations, and Geshem also says it, that you and the Jews intend to rebel; that is why you are building the wall. And according to these reports you wish to become their king. 7 And you have also set up prophets to proclaim concerning you in Jerusalem, ‘There is a king in Judah.’ And now the king will hear of these reports. So now come and let us take counsel together.” 8 Then I sent to him, saying, “No such things as you say have been done, for you are inventing them out of your own mind.” 9 For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done.” But now, O God, strengthen my hands.

Timeline Synopsis
- In chapter 6, Nehemiah had completed the walls but had not added the gates.
- Because of the progress and the certainty of completion, the attacks of the enemy increased.
- From the beginning of this restoration project, Nehemiah and the Israelites had enemies trying to stop the work. Sanballat and other Samaritans had been trying to discourage Israel.
- In chapter 2, they became angry and incensed that somebody had come to “promote the welfare of the Israelites” (2:10).
- In chapter 4, when Israel began to build, they mocked them saying that even if a fox went on the wall it would fall (4:10). However, when they saw that the building of the wall was progressing, they decided to secretly form an army and come against Israel (Neh 4:8).
- When Nehemiah heard about this, he warned Israel and set up guards to fight in case of invasion.
- Because of this, the enemies of Israel make one last major assault, specifically targeting Nehemiah. If they can stop Nehemiah, they can discourage the people and finally stop this work.

Nehemiah 4:15-18
15 When our enemies heard that it was known to us and that God had frustrated their plan, we all returned to the wall, each to his work. 16 From that day on, half of my servants worked on construction, and half held the spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. And the leaders stood behind the whole house of Judah, 17 who were building on the wall. Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way that each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other. 18 And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built.

Knowing that offenses will come gives you the ability to prepare for them.
Nehemiah knew an attack was coming. You will never experience life in service to God and His Kingdom and not have attack in one way or another. If you are being obedient to God and walking in purpose, expect Sanballats and Tobiahs and Geshems.

Notice these weren’t Satan himself or even his demons. It was PEOPLE! Satan sure used them, but it was in the form of a human being. He knew the attack was coming, but he also knew how to be ready. One hand was accomplishing their purpose and and the other, their defense.

If you really want to prevent offense and hurt, it is going to require you have the tools in your hand to repel the attack.

Your sword cannot be emotionalism. You can’t expect to prevent offense if you allow your emotions to drive your response.

Galatians 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh

The only way to get the Spirit’s fruit is through the Spirit’s leading. The only way to get the flesh’s fruit is through the flesh’s leading. You need a better weapon than an emotional outburst.

Your Sword is the Word of God. The Word is both offensive and defensive in nature. Too often when we get offended, we want to go on the offense.
Isn’t it interesting that the very thing we turn to naturally when we experience offense is offense? Let me say it with the definitions of offense inserted instead of the word offense:
- Isn’t it interesting that the very thing we turn to naturally when we are hit, struck, wounded, or sinned against, that we want to respond with hitting, striking, wounding, and sinning against them?

You can use the Word to inflict pain on people, if you didn’t know it.
Just ask the Pharisees and Sadducees.

The Sword, however, is defensive in nature as well. What does that mean?

It means that in that moment when you feel exposed and attacked, rather than you responding with offense in return, you can activate the defensive nature of the Word of God to protect and defend you in that moment!

Reference that list above again:
- unreasonable expectations
- self-focused Christianity
- not following the golden rule
- more committed to our truth than to God’s truth.
- not commitment to love and forgiveness.
Does the Word of God say anything that can refute any of this? THAT is how the Word defends!

Examples
Those church people made me feel rejected.
You aren’t rejected by God, so you can’t claim rejection as an identity.
Psalms 27:10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.

They lied about me.
Numbers 32:23 Your sin will find you out.

I was just trying to help and they basically shunned me.
Colossians 3:23-24 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

If you’re looking to be offended, you’ll find a reason. But when you refuse to be offended, you can’t be offended. "Well I don’t know if I can refuse to be offended." Then I have one question:

Either the Word isn’t strong enough or you don’t believe it. Which is it?

It is not your fault if someone does something offensive. Do you remember the first verse I read? Luke 17:1 1 Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come…

but look at the second part: "but woe to the one through whom they come!”

Look at Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

God does not look highly upon people who cause offense. (We should all check ourselves on that one…)

It is not your fault if someone does something offensive.
But it is your fault if you are offended.

Luke 6:28-36 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. 32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

These verses are not about enduring abuse.
They are about refusing to be offended.

BUT WHY? Why is refusing to be offended so big a deal? Because people who can’t be offended can’t be hurt. And second, because God wants you to:

2. Know the real enemy
Would you believe me if I told you that every person who hurt you was not trying to hurt you but the enemy was trying to use them to hurt your identity in Christ, your trust in your Father, and your ability to fulfill your purpose in life? That doesn’t mean that bad people in your life didn’t do anything wrong. It does mean that hurting you was not the desired result.

When people hurt people, it is because they are selfish and want something and they are using you to get it. When the enemy uses people and situations to hurt people, it is because he wants to destroy everything in your life that has to do with God.

Your abuser isn’t your enemy. That manipulating pastor is not your enemy. That horrible father is not your enemy. Satan is your enemy and he just used them to try and annihilate you.

Verses
Ephesians 6:12 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Ok so it is principalities were are fighting? It is darkness that stormed into the Garden with sin. Which is another reason we need the Sword of the Spirit. The Word not only became flesh (Jesus), but the Word is the light that katalambanos darkness, “to aggressively take down” The Word also reminds us what to focus on when someone is offensive:

Romans 12:17-21 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

I’ve never been satisfied with “Vengeance is mine.” I want it! Let me at ‘em! Why is it up to him? Because I don’t have the ability to punish the person really responsible for the hurt: Satan. God does, though.

Why can’t I have revenge on the one who hurt me? Because God has a history of giving people things they don’t deserve, and not giving things they do deserve. If I want God to let me have revenge on the one who hurt me, I have to be okay with him letting the person I hurt have revenge, too.

So instead, he tells me that vengeance is up to him, and that my responsibility is to forgive, to have mercy, to turn the other cheek even.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! Because I will repay evil for evil towards a person who isn’t really my enemy, AND because he wants restoration for the person that hurt me as much as he wants for me!

How could Jesus forgive Peter’s hurt? This is why!! Two things:
- I’ve come to believe Jesus wasn’t hurt by Peter because Jesus refused to be offended, otherwise he would have sinned.
- But most of all, Jesus knew Peter wasn’t the enemy.

That moment of betrayal in the courtyard wasn’t about Peter and Jesus. It was about Jesus and Satan. It was Satan’s last ditch effort to undermine Jesus’ confidence in his Father, in his Father’s love for him, in who he was, in his mission.

The source of the greatest hurt in your life may very well have been Satan’s last ditch effort to undermine your confidence in your Father, in your Father’s love for you, in who you are, in your mission.

I am not minimizing the action, I am not minimizing the hurt. I am saying that the person who hurt you was not really the person who hurt you. It is easier to have compassion on someone you don’t see as your enemy. I know for many people, they haven’t been thinking in terms of spiritual enemies. They’ve only see that person or church as the enemy.

Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love
- Covers - kawsaw = conceal, cover, to fill up the hollows within.

What if your decision today to stop seeing the people that hurt you as the enemy opened your heart to the potential of allowing God to use you to fill up the hollows in them, to be a part of healing them?

You have an enemy bent on your destruction.
You have to know offenses will come.
You have to know who your real enemy is
and...

3. Choose love no matter what.
We are talking about how to prevent hurt. When I lead with love, I am followed by goodness, mercy, grace, and compassion.

Psalm 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
That’s just goodness and mercy. What about the other two? And beyond that, how does choosing love get goodness and mercy to follow me in the first place? Read the whole chapter and find out.

Psalm 23:1-6 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.

All of these things occur out of my relationship with God. When I receive his love and reciprocate his love, I receive the benefits of that love as well, including: the knowledge of who He is (my shepherd, protector, provision, etc.)
- my needs so perfectly met that my wants aren’t even a thought
- rest to my soul when I am weary and prone to mistakes
- provision not just in a physical sense but for my spirit as well
- restoration even when my soul errs
- direction in the midst of this journey I am on, with a helping of righteousness to keep me in the right place

When I allow the Lord to lead me with love, I walk in it, even when offenses come:
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Even as I am surrounded by that which is trying to destroy me, when offenses are coming, when my enemies are present, God in his love for me, not only delivers me, comforts me, anoints me, and overflows me, I am washed in compassion for the very people trying to destroy me to the point I am willing to share a table with them! Where have you last wanted to share a table with the person who hurt you!?!?

The result is:
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Here’s my point:
I can either choose hurt and offense and allow brokenness and bitterness, anger, malice, and revenge to follow me, or I can choose love and allow goodness and mercy, grace and compassion to follow me.

Know offenses will come, know your enemy, but family, choose love no matter what.

In October of 22, I said in a message, "God is looking for people who are hungrier for unity than they are their own appetites."

Today let me say it like this:
God is looking for people who love restoration more than they love revenge.

Why?
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins.

How are you handling offenses? How should you be handling offenses?

Are you carrying an offense right now? Has it become hurt?

We acknowledged the hurt.
We forgave the hurt.
Now it is time to prevent the hurt.

Yes the initial hurt already happened, but you can release that pain today
by choosing love,
by choosing forgiveness,
by choosing to let go,
by choosing to let goodness and mercy, grace and compassion
to prevent that hurt from hurting you anymore

"Holy Spirit, we need you.
We need you to help us with these hurts.
Jesus you told us to cast our cares upon you,
so in this moment we take our offenses, our hurts, our brokenness,
and we cast it upon you.
Forgive us for holding on to these hurts.
We receive your healing now in Jesus name.
We choose love in this moment.
We choose to stop seeing people as the enemy, but satan as the enemy.
We lay down the need for revenge and ask that your love would bring restoration to our hearts
in Jesus name, amen"

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?