#5. What if I My Friends and family let me down?

(Dealing with the Possibility of Betrayal)

2 Samuel 16:5-13 NIV As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul’s family came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. 6He pelted David and all the king’s officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David’s right and left. 7As he cursed, Shimei said, “Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! 8The Lord has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The Lord has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!” 9Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.” 10But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’” 11David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. 12It may be that the Lord will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.” 13So David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt.

David and Shimei teach us some lessons about betrayal and criticism.

I. Understanding criticism

A. Constructive

1. Some constructive criticism carries with it anger, disappointment, and ulterior motives.

2. Some constructive criticism comes from true friends whose only interest is our benefit. Though painful, this can be a treasure!

B. Destructive

1. May contain an element of truth, but our welfare is not the concern of the critic.

2. From Shimei we learn that destructive criticism:

a. Is usually based on false information.

1) Lies

2) Misrepresentations

3) Assigned motives

b. Usually comes when we need it the least.

c. Usually comes when I am least able to deal with it.

d. Usually comes when I am least able to defend myself against it.

e. Usually comes from those least qualified to give it.

II. Understanding forgiveness

A. Refused forgiveness

B. Conditional forgiveness

C. Partial forgiveness

D. Delayed forgiveness

E. Christian forgiveness

1. It is based on Christ’s forgiveness of us.

2. It doesn't wait until forgiveness is merited or asked for.

a. God is qualified to withhold forgiveness until it is asked for; we are not.

b. Christ on the cross ─aphete, or “bear with them/work with them.” That is the example for us as humans. This was reflected by Stephen as he was dying.

3. Sometimes it is a layered “work in progress.”

III. Understanding how to deal with the pain of criticism

A. Develop a system of coping.

1. Find your recovery pace spiritually (pray up), emotionally (calm down), physically (work it out).

B. Try to understand the critic's perspective.

1. Try to understand the source of their behavior. What is their baggage?

2. Have I hurt them?

3. Have they misunderstood something?

4. Are they a well-intentioned dragon?

5. Are they an instrument in God’s hand to refine you?

C. Try to respond with the proper words and tone.

D. Ask God to show you the "kernel of truth.”

E. Recall times in your life when you criticized unfairly and needed forgiveness.

F. Fully commit to forgiveness and move on.

G. Let time vindicate you.

H. Let Jesus heal you.

IMMANUEL: THE PROBLEM OCTOBER 5, 2022

SCRIPTURE

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person. The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” (The serpent tempts Eve) The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. (God confronts their sin) …the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife. So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden. Portions of Genesis 1-3, NLT

THE SICKNESS OF SIN

1/ Sin destroyed our relationship with God.

(Before Christ) we were by nature deserving of wrath. Ephesians 2:3, NIV

Original Sin is the idea that Adam’s sin affected himself and all humanity for all time.

Sin came into the world through one man (Adam), and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned. Romans 5:12, NIV

2/ Sin distorted the image of God within us.

3/ Sin disrupted the creation of God.

Sin corrupted creation, thus the world is filled with viruses, tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.

THE SYMPTOMS OF SIN

1/ We sin when we reject God.

2/ We sin when we resolve to do what we should not do.

3/ We sin when we refuse to do what we should do.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it (omission). Instead, I do what I hate (commission). Romans 7:15, NLT

4/ We sin when we reform good into evil.

“The Bible presents sin…in an array of images: sin is the missing of a target, a wandering from the path, a straying from the fold. Sin is a hard heart and a stiff neck. Sin is blindness and deafness. It is both the overstepping of a line and the failure to reach it—both transgression and shortcoming. Sin is a beast crouching at the door. In sin, people attack or evade or neglect their divine calling. These and other images suggest deviance: even when it is familiar, sin is never normal. Sin is disruption of created harmony and then resistance to divine restoration of that harmony. Above all, sin disrupts and resists the vital human relation to God.” Cornelius Plantinga

THE SOLUTION OF SIN

1/ God pronounced a curse.

For the serpent, he would now crawl and eat dust. For the woman, she would now have birthing pains and contention. For the man, he would now toil painfully for his livelihood.

2/ God provided a cleansing.

The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. Genesis 3:21, NIV

3/ God prophesied a coming cure.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” Genesis 3:15, NIV

THE CHRISTIMAS CONNECTION

The sin of Eve would be overcome by the seed of this Mary.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:8-12, NIV

For as by one man’s disobedience (Adam) the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience (Jesus) the many will be made righteous. Romans 5:19, NIV