Creekside Church, Sunday, July 17, 2022
Toxic Friendship
Locations & Times
Creekside Church
660 Conservation Dr, Waterloo, ON N2J 3Z4, Canada
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:30 AM
Proverbs 12:26 - The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.
Prov 13:20 - Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Both verses – simple idea – your friends shape you, lead you, influence you.
---
Do you think about who your friends are?
Are they intentional?
Just random?
Based on ease?
---
Do you ever, get rid of friends?
Cancel friends?
What do you do with toxic people?
---
Examples of Toxic Friends:
- Teasing or insulting you regularly
- Want your attention incessantly
- They are perpetual victim – always in crisis – needy and helpless
- Pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do
- Jealous of your other friends
- They take and take way more than they give
- Making you feel trapped – testing your loyalty, threatening self harm
- They exhaust you and stress you out
- Gas light you – making someone feel like they’re going crazy
---
What do we do with toxic people? Toxic friends"
Unhealthy Responses
- Savior Complex
- Me Complex
---
Some passages to consider about walking away from people
Mark 1:38 – let’s go to the other villages – that’s why I’ve come
Matthew 7:6
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."
Matthew 8:34-9:1
Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.
Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town.
Matthew 16:23
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Romans 16:17-18
Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.
Titus 3:10
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.
Proverbs 22:3
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
Jesus had boundaries – 24 different occasions in the 4 gospels Jesus allowed people to walk away or he himself walked away (Gary Thomas, When to Walk Away)
---
Right mindset when we think about walking away from a friendship
1. It's not about me. It's about my mission. I'm here to produce fruit and some people will limit me from doing that.
2. What is the most loving thing to do? Confront them, name their toxic behavior and set new boundaries which may include ending the friendship.
---
Do you have a clear vision, mission, purpose for your life? Would you even know, if someone else was negatively affecting it?
Will you confront toxic people rather than just ghosting/ignoring them?
Is there anyone you need to confront?
Anyone you need to walk away from?
Anyone that you ghosted or walked away from that you need to reach out to?
---
Where does grace and forgiveness and reconciliation fit in?
---
Tim Keller talks about Jesus as the true friend.
"Greater love has no one than this…lay down his life for his friends"
More than that – Jesus took our wounds upon himself
We are liberated by our great friendship to Jesus
So when you think friend – you should think Jesus
---
The world is longing for friends like Jesus.
Which means if we are true friends, like Jesus – then people will see Jesus through our friendship
Same thing with marriage – a good marriage is a reflection of God’s love
---
If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all. ... How can I possibly serve another person in unfeigned humility if I seriously regard his sinfulness as worse than my own? - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
When a non-Christian peers into our friendships, is he or she able to see the outlines of the gospel story, the good news of Jesus Christ? When our friendships exist for our own pleasure, comfort, and relational happiness, rather than a communication of God’s love and mercy in the gospel, we’re telling the story badly, and we may be telling the wrong story altogether. – Jonathan Holmes, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship
Prov 13:20 - Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Both verses – simple idea – your friends shape you, lead you, influence you.
---
Do you think about who your friends are?
Are they intentional?
Just random?
Based on ease?
---
Do you ever, get rid of friends?
Cancel friends?
What do you do with toxic people?
---
Examples of Toxic Friends:
- Teasing or insulting you regularly
- Want your attention incessantly
- They are perpetual victim – always in crisis – needy and helpless
- Pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do
- Jealous of your other friends
- They take and take way more than they give
- Making you feel trapped – testing your loyalty, threatening self harm
- They exhaust you and stress you out
- Gas light you – making someone feel like they’re going crazy
---
What do we do with toxic people? Toxic friends"
Unhealthy Responses
- Savior Complex
- Me Complex
---
Some passages to consider about walking away from people
Mark 1:38 – let’s go to the other villages – that’s why I’ve come
Matthew 7:6
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."
Matthew 8:34-9:1
Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.
Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town.
Matthew 16:23
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Romans 16:17-18
Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.
Titus 3:10
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.
Proverbs 22:3
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
Jesus had boundaries – 24 different occasions in the 4 gospels Jesus allowed people to walk away or he himself walked away (Gary Thomas, When to Walk Away)
---
Right mindset when we think about walking away from a friendship
1. It's not about me. It's about my mission. I'm here to produce fruit and some people will limit me from doing that.
2. What is the most loving thing to do? Confront them, name their toxic behavior and set new boundaries which may include ending the friendship.
---
Do you have a clear vision, mission, purpose for your life? Would you even know, if someone else was negatively affecting it?
Will you confront toxic people rather than just ghosting/ignoring them?
Is there anyone you need to confront?
Anyone you need to walk away from?
Anyone that you ghosted or walked away from that you need to reach out to?
---
Where does grace and forgiveness and reconciliation fit in?
---
Tim Keller talks about Jesus as the true friend.
"Greater love has no one than this…lay down his life for his friends"
More than that – Jesus took our wounds upon himself
We are liberated by our great friendship to Jesus
So when you think friend – you should think Jesus
---
The world is longing for friends like Jesus.
Which means if we are true friends, like Jesus – then people will see Jesus through our friendship
Same thing with marriage – a good marriage is a reflection of God’s love
---
If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all. ... How can I possibly serve another person in unfeigned humility if I seriously regard his sinfulness as worse than my own? - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
When a non-Christian peers into our friendships, is he or she able to see the outlines of the gospel story, the good news of Jesus Christ? When our friendships exist for our own pleasure, comfort, and relational happiness, rather than a communication of God’s love and mercy in the gospel, we’re telling the story badly, and we may be telling the wrong story altogether. – Jonathan Holmes, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship