A Paraphrase of Psalm 42
When an animal is suffering from thirst, what can stop them from finding water? The water becomes their sole focus, their singular drive is to find water and satisfy their thirst. To survive.
There are times when I feel like my soul is being torn apart and I know I need God! I can sense my soul thirsting for Him as though I’m close to death. But I just cannot find a way to feel Him near me.
It feels like the whole world is crushing down on me, I'm overwhelmed by emotion and the thoughts that are rolling through my mind... Where is God in all this?
I can remember not feeling this way, I can remember when I was in a good place... I can remember coming to church and feeling so impacted by the worship as if every word in the songs was a true expression of my life.
So why God, why am I so discouraged, why am I defeated, I feel broken. And I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know what you've done for me. I know I need to praise you but I just can't. And my failure to draw close to you just makes me hate myself even more.
God, there's as battle raging inside of me that's as violent as the storm surrounding my life.
But I know, I KNOW, that you are pouring out your love on me. That you look on my brokenness right now and you have compassion.
So why does it feel like I'm forgotten? Why does it feel like everything in life is against me. I hear the voice of the enemy screaming in my mind that I'm alone.
I know this isn't true so why do I let myself stay in this place?
God help me! You've saved me in the past and I know you are the same savior today, God be my strength. Satisfy my thirst. Show me the way through this.