Focus: “I AM that I AM” Lives in you

Foundation Scripture: Exodus 3:13-14 (NKJV)

Prayer Points:
1. I AM The Bread of life
2. I AM The Light of the World
3. I AM The Resurrection Life
4. Pray for Sunday Services

We’ve looked at “Modern Dating verses Biblical Dating,” “Men Initiate, Women Respond,” Boundaries Must Be Set,” and now you’ve started dating, but aren't ready to get engaged. What might your relationship look like during this "in-between" time?

Our goal in dating as Christians is to save marital levels of interaction for marriage itself, to care well for the other person’s soul, be different from the world and bring glory to God.

This time, I want to apply some of the same principles we’ve talked about to a relationship that moves beyond the “early stages” and gets serious.

The essential line to walk here is to get to know one another better so that you can make a responsible and informed decision about marriage, but without acting married in the process and without violating 1 Thessalonians 4’s admonition not to defraud and mistreat one another.

1. Going Deeper | How compatible are we?

· Clarity and intentions should be established when things move from “testing the waters” to “yeah, the water’s fine.”
Don’t assume that because you agreed to start dating or courting (presumably with the intention to determine whether marriage was the right thing) you (or your partner) will “just know” when things begin to progress. In the design of a relationship that we’re carving out here, caring well for one another means we can’t place too high a premium on being clear.

· Remember, a godly courtship will bring you closer to God, not closer to sin.

· Guys, again the brunt of the work falls to you here. Tell her that you have loved getting to know her, that you find her a godly woman, that you are interested in pursuing a more serious relationship with her for a finite period of time, basically to see if there are any clear obstacles (in terms of beliefs or affections or goals or personalities) to the two of you getting married.

· Tell her that if she does not find herself in the same place in terms of her feelings about the relationship (or if she becomes certain at any point moving forward that she is not interested in marriage to you), she should communicate that to you immediately.

· Be clear. Be honest. Be deliberate. Is this scary? Yes. But, most women appreciate the clarity. Let me also reiterate that, like asking someone to date initially, this conversation is not a proposal, and neither person is committing to marry the other at this point. It’s just a marker to say things are going well, and as far as you’re concerned, the game is changing. If done well, it should actually put you both at ease moving forward.

2. Temptation trap.
o Obviously, as your relationship progresses, the two of you will probably spend more time together than in the early stage, and more of that time will be spent alone together. That’s OK to a point, as you will need to have some more serious discussions about major issues.

o That said, it is still dangerous to spend time together alone in a private setting. Temptation in this area is easily underestimated, and it is very difficult to regain discipline and backtrack once you have sinned physically.

3. Real life conversations.

· In getting to know one another more intimately, there will also be some changes in some of the topics that are appropriate to discuss. You may, at this point, begin to get to know your potential partner at a more deeply spiritual level. You can share testimonies, talk more deeply about who you are, life goals, important theological issues and where you’re comfortable going to church, to make sure the two of you are basically on the same page.

· There should be a good deal of commonality between your goals and visions. You can also discuss things like interests, family, emotional issues, etc. in greater detail if it looks like things could be headed toward marriage, but caution is always in order as you get more deeply involved.

a. What to look for in a godly man?

b. Take this into consideration. Is he a man? Is he growing into a man? Does he want to be a leader? Look for godliness because a husband is to one day be your spiritual leader. Look for his love for the Lord and the advancement of His kingdom. Is he seeking to bring you towards Christ?

c. Does he have godly and respectable goals? Can he handle money well? Is he generous? Is he living in godliness and seeking to obey the Word? Is God working in his life and making him more like Christ? Does he have a strong prayer life? Does he pray for you? Is he honest? Does he seek to take your purity? How does he treat others? Is he violent? Does he work?

d. What to look for in a godly woman?
· Take this into consideration. Has she surrendered her life to the Lord? Does she allow you to lead? Is she submissive? Does she seek to build you up and help you with what God has for you? Does she constantly nag and belittle you? Is she domestic? Is she clean? Is her house and car always messy? This is what your house may look like one day.
· Is she pressuring you to have sex with her? Does she dress sensually, run if she does. Does she respect her father/family? Is she seeking to be a virtuous woman? Is she contentious? Is she lazy? Can she run a household? Does she fear God? Is she a prayer warrior? Is she trustworthy?

· Also, do clearly discuss limits on your physical involvement (in other words, reiterate that there will not be one) and put methods of adhering to those limits in place. That said, don’t make physical involvement, even a lack thereof, a frequent topic of conversation.

4. Remain accountable.
o Accountability - the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable.

· It’s the permission we give someone over us, we allow ourselves to remain under their authority.

· Accountability is even more important as the relationship deepens than it was in the early stages. It should still be frequent, personal, local and tough. At this point though, more questions need to be added to the list. Not just “are you staying pure physically?” and all the emotionally equivalent questions, but “what are you doing?” “Where is this going?” “What kind of time frame are we talking about before some clear action is taken?” should be a regular part of conversations.

5. The bottom line.
· To put it simply, “not acting married before you’re married,” gets exponentially more difficult the longer a pre-marital relationship persists. If our goal is to move positively toward God-glorifying lives (rather than simply to “walk the line” by attempting to satisfy our fleshly desires as much as possible without sinning), wisdom and godliness would seem to counsel keeping relationships shorter.

In Conclusion:
Certainly, as God’s people, we don’t want to live in fear and have our lives be primarily defined by avoiding temptation rather than positively seeking after Christ.