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SERIES: ALIGNING WITH GOD
SUBSERIES: IMPACT OF FOUNDATIONS

PARENTING GOD'S WAY

MESSAGE TITLE: "RAISING ROYALTY"

FOUNDATIONS: IMPACT: PARENTING
MAIN MESSAGE: “RAISING ROYALTY”

HOW DO THE FOUNDATIONS IMPACT PARENTING:

REPENTANCE:
I repent from/I change the way I think about parenting the world’s way and I turn to the word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to see and do parenting God’s way.
I create an atmosphere and culture in my home of repentance where I lead by example - if I sin or make a mistake toward my children, I repent to them and change accordingly (if we don’t teach our children how to repent, apologize and ask forgiveness, they won’t learn to do it with us or God)

SALVATION
I am saved from a life of raising my children according to the world’s standards and will now raise my child according to God’s
I am saved by grace through faith, and therefore I will create an atmosphere and culture in my home of grace and faith - we have grace with our children and we do things together as a family by faith.

LORDSHIP AND OBEDIENCE
As saved parents, we choose to make Jesus our Lord and to obey God in how we raise our children
We create an atmosphere and culture in our home of obedience to parents from a place of moral authority and a love relationship so that our children will know how to be obedient to God

FAITH
We live by faith and not by sight - believing is seeing for us as parents and as a family
By faith we trust or trusted God for children, by faith we will raise them by God’s leading and his standards even when the world screams against it
By faith we know our children are first God’s and we have a stewardship responsibility to care for them and raise them

BAPTISM WITH WATER AND HOLY SPIRIT
We will model and teach our children the importance and the power of being baptized with water and the Holy Spirit once we are born again
Ideally, a father should baptize his children

SPIRITUAL FAMILY AND DISCIPLESHIP
We establish that our family is the beginning of our children’s spiritual family and where they receive their main discipleship


MAIN MESSAGE: “RAISING ROYALTY”

I chose the title for today to be “Raising Royalty” because when we are parents raising children, that is what we should be focused on.
To raise is a verb. It’s a doing word. To do something, you need to choose to do it. Who knows that your child cannot raise him or herself? We are not like animals that are born and can walk and run almost immediately. We are born helpless, powerless, defenseless, clueless… Someone has to take care of us. That takes a choice. It takes intentionality.

If you take anything away from today’s message, I hope that it is that we all need to take intentional parenting seriously because the identities and callings that are on our children’s lives are of eternal and extreme value and we are the divinely called stewards who are charged with raising them as royalty for the King of kings.

The word raising also implies “lifting up”, taking from a low position to a higher position. That takes intentionality, it takes effort, it takes sacrifice - and all of these can only come out of us and be sustainable if we have the love of Jesus flowing through us to our children. Our attempts at love will fail. It will run out. It will eventually dry up. Because we only have so much to give. But Jesus’ love is neverending.

We know by now from scriptures like John 1:12 that when we become born-again, we receive the right to become children of God. And Jesus is our King. The Bible teaches us that all authority and all things on heaven and earth have been put under him. And it also teaches that we are co-heirs, or joint-heirs with Jesus Christ, the firstborn of many brothers. So, when we become children of God, we lock into the royal lineage, the royal bloodline of Jesus. We become rightful heirs of the things of the Kingdom of God! Wow!! So we are royalty. And therefore our offspring should be royalty as well. That is why we need to raise them as children of God, children of the King of kings from the start.

Before we look at some foundational scriptures, please listen carefully to this quote:

“Rebellion does not come from a lack of respect. It comes from a lack of relationship”

I’m not sure who coined it, but I do think it is quite accurate. As we read the scriptures today and as we go through the message, please keep this principle at the front of your mind. In the same way we may rebel against God when we are not in an intimate relationship with Him, our children can or could rebel due to something lacking in our relationship with them. As Jesus says in John 14:14 - if you love me you’ll keep my commandments. Imagine a world where your children obey and follow out of love, our of relationship…

Because when we read these scriptures and hear these principles it should always be from the perspective of how it all should flow from relationship. Our relationship with Father God unlocks his love to flow through us to our children in our relationship with them. And as we love them, lead them and raise them in partnership with the Trinity, our children should know in whom we believe and with whom we have our most special relationship, and it should look so attractive to them, and saturate our lives to such an extent that they will want what we have.

So you should know by now we are a Bible-believing church. That’s why when we study an aspect of life, the Bible is our ultimate authority.

Ok, so let’s do this.

Scriptural foundations:

Deut. 6:6-9 - we should be teaching our kids about God’s commandments all day every day
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Matthew 19:14 - the kingdom of heaven belong to them - royalty, we are raising royalty
“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ ”

Psalms 78:1-8 - we need to have a generational approach - once again intentionality is highlighted here (your most dangerous mistake as a parent would be to make assumptions)
'Give ear, O my people, to my law; Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, Which we have heard and known, And our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord , And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and declare them to their children, That they may set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments; And may not be like their fathers, A stubborn and rebellious generation, A generation that did not set its heart aright, And whose spirit was not faithful to God.'

Proverbs 22:6: we have a responsibility to train our children, and when we do there’s a powerful promise
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Isaiah 54:13: the beautiful promise of how the Lord will also teach our children
“All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.”

Proverbs 1:8-9: following a parents’ instruction beautifies your life
“Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.”

Psalms 127:3-5: children are a heritage from the Lord
'Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.'

Malachi 2:14-15 - God wants Godly offspring for us.
'But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. '

Ephesians 4:11-16 - we should know what we are raising them for - to be perfect, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (us with the local church)
'And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.'

MESSAGE CONTINUES
Aletté and I are not perfect parents. We are works in progress. Before we started having children, we did however made a point of learning from parents who had amazing older children - where we could see the fruit of their labours as parents and it was good fruit. Whenever we met people like that, we asked them for advice and guidance. What mistakes they made we can avoid, what principles to follow for raising them and disciplining them etc. And we learned a lot that way and we’re grateful for them. The Metty’s are one of those couples that had a huge impact on our lives.

But as those of you who are parents know, each of you are unique, each child is unique and each home has a unique culture. So general principles will help, but some things you need to figure out for yourself with your spouse by the leading of Holy Spirit.

So I’m sharing this message from a very humble place where we’re totally dependent on God and choose every day to lead our children through a loving relationship to know Jesus and to become more like Him and to discover their callings in partnership with them so that they can be the best versions of themselves as God intended.

As with marriage, we will be looking at God’s standard for parenting. We know many of you may have difficult situations in terms of divorce, being a single parent, or blended families. Please do not let any of this make you feel judged or condemned. That is not the purpose. The goal is to show us the standard of God so that we can all have a Biblical worldview of parenting that we will aim to achieve. We may need to repent, make right, do restitution where necessary, yes, but the aim is God’s plan and the conviction necessary to get there, not guilt, shame and condemnation. All good?

We’re going to look at the following:
1. Understanding God’s order in the home
2. Understanding how important your own personal salvation and relationship with God is
3. Understanding how important a healthy marriage is for healthy parenting
4. Understanding your role in your child’s life and your child’s role in your life.


Understanding God’s order in the home
In short:
1. God
2. Marriage
3. Children
4. Vocation/Ministry

1. Understanding how important your own personal salvation and relationship with God is
This ties in with the order in the home. Each parent should have a strong, healthy, growing relationship with God - own quiet time, and times of prayer and worship together.
We each need to stay close to Jesus so that we lead from our seats in the heavenly places and not from our busy lives and routines that we’re in - we’re in this world, but not from this world
We model the relationship with God we want our kids to have. They do not do what we say, they do what we do…
God is love and his peace and rest surpasses all understanding - do you want a love-filled peaceful and restful home? God has to be and remain your source. His love through you to you kids is the only sustainable way to love well.
(next week is heritage day - we have caps that fit into our theme of marriage and parenting: RMLW AND HIMH)

2. Understanding how important a healthy marriage is for healthy parenting
Our children find security and safety in the sanctity and safety of a healthy marriage - in knowing that mommy and daddy love each other, will never leave each other and will always be there for them as a couple. This is by God’s design
You need a team to raise children
A father has specific attributes he needs to convey to the child, as do the mother.
In different seasons a child needs the father more than the mother, and vice versa.
The man and woman need to know this and understand this and support each other in this.
Nasty fighting, verbal abuse, physical abuse, cold shoulders, passive-aggressiveness, divorce, etc between spouses will leave a wound in a child’s heart. There’s no sugar-coating it. Do not be fooled. Do not be selfish. Remember the luggage you need to attend to? Do it. Because unattended luggage that’s lying around will affect your kids as well.
Your marriage is an example to your kids - will they grow up to be excited about getting married and doing it God’s way?

3. Understanding your role in your child’s life and your child’s role in your life.
You are the parent, they are the child.
Your child is not your friend, and you should not strive to be your child’s best friend before they’re in their 20’s. They need a parent, not another friend.
Speak truth in love with patience.
Do not make your child or your spouse an idol. They should not be your “everything” - God should be your everything. They should not be your whole life, God should be your life and they are apart of it.


CALLING OUT THE GOLD:
Prophesy and speak life over your child from before birth and don’t stop
Call those things that aren’t, as if they are
Names are very important (avoid negative nicknames)
Ask God who your child is, what is the word or words over their life - focus on that and call it out
Encourage them
Be intentional to notice the right and good they do, and praise them for it

DISCIPLINE
Leading from your moral authority and establishing the child’s identity at all times is important.

Remind the child of their true, God-given identity. Help them understand that the behaviour you’re disciplining is not who they are. It’s not “you’re naughty”, it’s “what you did is naughty” or “you are loved, my son and you have a calling, but what you have done is not acceptable in this home”

Do not discipline first-time offenses.
Communicate clearly:
What is not acceptable
What the consequences would be
Be consistent in following through on the consequence
Understand the world of your child, their why, their age appropriate needs (e.g. Pulling at your trousers)
Understand different temperaments, personality types
Stay emotionally connected with the child. A small eye movement may then reap the right results. This comes from relationship
Only say ‘NO!’ when it is really necessary. If you do not have a good reason to say no, ask yourself why you’re saying no, and rather say yes and be apart of what you’re saying yes to in your child’s life.
Do discipline ‘with’ your child, not ‘to’ your child.
Never discipline as an outburst of anger. Control your anger
Only discipline disobedience and immoral actions and as safety precaution.
Always give two warnings.
Be super patient between 5-7pm
Always debrief after the disciplining:
Give the reason why
Re-affirm your love to the child
Re-state the rules

COMMUNICATION: HOME MUST BE SAFE SPACE
They must always feel they can talk to you about anything
Safe space
Home is a place of peace and a refuge
Talking about sex and other pertinent questions truthfully and in love with wisdom based on age and the questions they ask
Conflict resolution
Don’t always play judge and mediator
Guide them to sort out conflict themselves

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE:
Joshua 24:14-15
'“Now therefore, fear the Lord , serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord ! And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord , choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord .”'

REFLECT AND RESPOND
If you feel impacted, convicted by these scriptures and principles, make a decision today to repent to God and to your children and make right. Keep each other accountable and get others you can trust to keep you accountable as well. Pick at least one thing you’re going to change in your parenting and start there.

Let’s get the kids out and let’s all pray together as families

FINAL PRAYER

REFLECT AND RESPOND
You may feel like certain wounds from your past are weighing your down. Like chains holding you back. You feel stuck, not free. Today the Holy Spirit can set your mind and heart free by the power of the finished work of Jesus Christ. Do you believe it? Then embrace it and apply it.

Let’s bring all our luggage, baggage, issues before God this morning. Let us boldly come to the throne of grace as sons as daughters who know their loving heavenly father and give Him all these things that are holding us back. Let’s admit to the wound, surrender it to Christ and accept his healing.