Fellowship Bible Church - Mullica, Hill N.J.
Family Chat: Gospel Based Parenting
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Fellowship Bible Church
590 Jackson Rd, Sewell, NJ 08080, USA
Sunday 9:30 AM
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Gospel Based Parenting
The home of the believer was very culturally different from the Roman society they were in. How so?
Roman Law made the male of a household the supreme leader, under a law called “Patria Potestas” (Power of the Father). These were the cultural norms of the early Roman culture:
Husbands and wives: the husband had total control. Usually he was abusive. Looked to financially profit from the marriage. Adultery was the norm.
Fathers and their children: children only accepted if picked up by the father at birth. If angered, the father could sell the children into slavery.
Roman Law made the male of a household the supreme leader, under a law called “Patria Potestas” (Power of the Father). These were the cultural norms of the early Roman culture:
Husbands and wives: the husband had total control. Usually he was abusive. Looked to financially profit from the marriage. Adultery was the norm.
Fathers and their children: children only accepted if picked up by the father at birth. If angered, the father could sell the children into slavery.
What are the children doing? Obeying
Obedience can be seen when the child is immediately doing what is asked of him.In other words – the Bible makes it clear that @the children in gospel-based homes are responding to the direction given to them by their parents without delay. Doing something that an authority asks you to do is obedience.
Obedience can be seen when the child is immediately doing what is asked of him.In other words – the Bible makes it clear that @the children in gospel-based homes are responding to the direction given to them by their parents without delay. Doing something that an authority asks you to do is obedience.
Who are they obeying? Their mother and father.
We’re not treating mom one way and dad another. We respond just as fast to mom as we do dad. It means when mom tells us to do something, we do it, just as if dad was asking and vice versa.
We’re not treating mom one way and dad another. We respond just as fast to mom as we do dad. It means when mom tells us to do something, we do it, just as if dad was asking and vice versa.
How are they obeying? With honor.
Obedience speaks to the fulfillment of a task, honor speaks to the heart attitude behind it.
Obedience speaks to the fulfillment of a task, honor speaks to the heart attitude behind it.
Why do we obey? It’s right. It honors the Lord. It has promise.
It has promise – this general promise is true – when you listen to your parents you are protected from a lot of life’s pains, which leads to longevity.
It has promise – this general promise is true – when you listen to your parents you are protected from a lot of life’s pains, which leads to longevity.
What are the parents to do? Develop disciplined, instructing relationships.
With whom? Their children.
How? Without provoking to anger.
With whom? Their children.
How? Without provoking to anger.
Parents are in charge.
· The parents, not the child, are calling the shots.
· The parents are giving the marching orders, not the children.
• The parents are giving direction to the children, not vice versa. Especially in the early years of parenting, it means parents are not giving suggestions, they’re giving orders.
Parents are disciplining and nurturing in the Lord.
· Fathers are the primary instructors of Biblical truth
· Fathers are moving their children towards Christlikeness.
· Fathers are setting an example by their own time in the word, in serving in the church, in sharing Christ, and teaching their sons and daughters to do the same.
Parents are not frustrating their kids.
Parents are not be provoking their children towards anger – creating scenarios that fester rebellion. What are ways that we can avoid provoking our children to anger:
· By consistently employing gracious discipline
· By not trivializing sin
· By not putting our kids in scenarios where we make it difficult for them to obey (i.e. going shopping during nap time).
· By using, calm, controlled language
· By having the same standards for all the children
· By having the same rules between mom and dad
· By training our kids in how to obey (Prov. 22:6)
By knowing where you are in the authority vs. influence window of opportunity.
· The parents, not the child, are calling the shots.
· The parents are giving the marching orders, not the children.
• The parents are giving direction to the children, not vice versa. Especially in the early years of parenting, it means parents are not giving suggestions, they’re giving orders.
Parents are disciplining and nurturing in the Lord.
· Fathers are the primary instructors of Biblical truth
· Fathers are moving their children towards Christlikeness.
· Fathers are setting an example by their own time in the word, in serving in the church, in sharing Christ, and teaching their sons and daughters to do the same.
Parents are not frustrating their kids.
Parents are not be provoking their children towards anger – creating scenarios that fester rebellion. What are ways that we can avoid provoking our children to anger:
· By consistently employing gracious discipline
· By not trivializing sin
· By not putting our kids in scenarios where we make it difficult for them to obey (i.e. going shopping during nap time).
· By using, calm, controlled language
· By having the same standards for all the children
· By having the same rules between mom and dad
· By training our kids in how to obey (Prov. 22:6)
By knowing where you are in the authority vs. influence window of opportunity.
What are the parents to do? Develop disciplined, instructing relationships.
With whom? Their children.
How? Without provoking to anger.
How does this happen?....
With whom? Their children.
How? Without provoking to anger.
How does this happen?....
Training our Kids:
Many parents of toddlers:
· Have obedience expectations but have not trained their children to obey.
· They have not created obedience training scenarios to teach their children what obedience in like.
· Thus, the child gets frustrated because they don’t know how to obey, and the parents are frustrated because their kids are not obeying.
There’s no science behind the ratio, but I think parents should spend 90% of their time training their toddlers and 10% disciplining. If that is the philosophy, you will be surprised at how many problems melt away.
Many parents of toddlers:
· Have obedience expectations but have not trained their children to obey.
· They have not created obedience training scenarios to teach their children what obedience in like.
· Thus, the child gets frustrated because they don’t know how to obey, and the parents are frustrated because their kids are not obeying.
There’s no science behind the ratio, but I think parents should spend 90% of their time training their toddlers and 10% disciplining. If that is the philosophy, you will be surprised at how many problems melt away.
Additional Resource on Training Your Kids
Pastor Scott has written a book called 'Parenting Those Teachable Twos, and his chapter on 'Training' can be found here:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/oq4efxv09h1l7zj/parenting%20teachable%20twos%20lesson%203.pdf?dl=0Authority vs. Influence
Are your kids under 10? Then the authority window is wide open and the influence window is mostly shut. In this phase you should be training your kids how God wants us obeying Him by obeying Mom and Dad. We’re not giving suggestions we’re giving directives.
Are you kids between 10 and 18? Then the authority window and influence window is about 50/50. You’re still having to do selective discipline, but there’s much more conversation happening at this time. You’re explaining the ‘why’ behind a soft, obedient heart and discipling them towards Christlikeness.
Are your kids over 18? It’s more than likely all about influence now. There are really very few punitive consequences to sin and mistakes and it’s all guidance and encouragement to follow God’s Word for themselves.
Are your kids under 10? Then the authority window is wide open and the influence window is mostly shut. In this phase you should be training your kids how God wants us obeying Him by obeying Mom and Dad. We’re not giving suggestions we’re giving directives.
Are you kids between 10 and 18? Then the authority window and influence window is about 50/50. You’re still having to do selective discipline, but there’s much more conversation happening at this time. You’re explaining the ‘why’ behind a soft, obedient heart and discipling them towards Christlikeness.
Are your kids over 18? It’s more than likely all about influence now. There are really very few punitive consequences to sin and mistakes and it’s all guidance and encouragement to follow God’s Word for themselves.