Creekside Church, Jan 17, 2021
RELATIONSHIPS | FIGHT FAIR
Relationships: Fight Fair
Locations & Times
Creekside Church
660 Conservation Dr, Waterloo, ON N2J 3Z4, Canada
Thursday 9:00 AM
RELATIONSHIPS
Fight Fair
God’s desire is for all of us to know relationships where ONENESS is both the goal and the experience. It is also our personal desire as well.
Why do we have this drive for ONENESS?
1. This is who God is. God is ONE.
2. Jesus prayed that we would be ONE.
“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.
“I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”
John 17:20-23 NLT
3. The Holy Spirit of God is nudging us to become one. That’s that tug we are feeling in our hearts.
SEVEN RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR
RULE #1 . . . REALIZE WHY
Why are we experiencing conflict?
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don’t get it.”
James 4:1
THREE DESIRES THAT WHEN THWARTED HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR CONFLICT
1. The desire to POSSESS. The craving to “have.” In the James’ passage it reads, you want something and don’t get it.
2.The desire for PLEASURE. This is the desire to “feel.” James 4:3 speaks about this . . . you want only what will give you pleasure.
3. The desire to elevate or maintain personal PRIDE. This is the desire to “be.” We can easily get in a fighting mood if our pride is hurt in any way. Pride is often a catalyst for fighting. Proverbs 13:10 states it well Pride only leads to arguments. (LB)
So, the desire to possess, the desire for pleasure, and the desire to maintain or enhance personal pride are reasons why we fight. I desire to have. I desire to do. I desire to be. Now the desire to possess and the desire for pleasure and the desire to maintain personal pride don’t always lead to a fight. They are, in and of themselves, not always necessarily wrong. However, whenever our desires or our expectations are uncontrolled or ungodly then we have all the ingredients necessary for an incredible relational explosion.
RULE #2 . . . FIX THE PROBLEM NOT THE BLAME
When we focus on blame we often focus on people. When we focus on problems we often focus on solutions. Anyone can fix the blame but wise people seek to fix the problem.
The goal in any act of conflict resolution is to become one O-N-E not to determine who won W-O-N. As soon as you think “I won!” or “I am going to win this one!” You lose because oneness isn’t about who wins or who one but are we one. So, don’t try to win, speak and think about how to best make become one. And don’t stop until you are down the pathway to oneness.
RULE #3 . . . TALK IT OUT
Ephesians 4:15 & 25. . . speak the truth in love.
First, we are to speak. Second, we are to speak the truth. That is, my words must have integrity. I speak accurately. I don’t exaggerate and use words like always and never. “You never put your clothes away.” “You always waste our money.” That is not speaking the truth. Third, I must speak in love. I must speak with love. We must ask, “Is what I am saying in both content and delivery and purpose spoken in love or is my speech without the love that is necessary?”
RULE #4 . . . NO MIND READING
Jesus could mind read and walk on water. You and I cannot do either. Yet we often act as if we can!
Stop believing you can determine a person's motives. Stay far away from telling a person why they did something. Most of us have difficulty figuring out our own motives so how can we determine the motives of others? Have you noticed how hard it is sometimes to figure out why we do what we do?
As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t prove I’m right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives.
1 Corinthians 4:3-4
RULE #5 . . . BE GENTLE
There are three responses to out-of-control-anger. We can express it. We can suppress it. Or we can confess it. We can express it to the other person and escalate the conflict. We can suppress it inside ourselves and let it eat away. Or we can confess it to God and ask him for help and turn it all over to him.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
RULE #6 . . . NO HISTORY LESSONS
Most of us have trouble dealing with one conflict at a time but when we pull a trainload of history up to the station it is impossible to deal with a load like that. Most times we dig up the dirt of the past to help us look better in the present.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to each other …
Ephesians 4:31
RULE #7 . . . FORGIVE
Ephesians 4:32 reads:
Forgive each other just as in Christ God forgave you
It’s all about pursuing being ONE. Do you fight to win or do you fight to be one? If you fight to win you lose. If you fight to be ONE you win because you have done all you can control and that gives God the chance to do his thing along with you.
Fight Fair
God’s desire is for all of us to know relationships where ONENESS is both the goal and the experience. It is also our personal desire as well.
Why do we have this drive for ONENESS?
1. This is who God is. God is ONE.
2. Jesus prayed that we would be ONE.
“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.
“I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”
John 17:20-23 NLT
3. The Holy Spirit of God is nudging us to become one. That’s that tug we are feeling in our hearts.
SEVEN RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR
RULE #1 . . . REALIZE WHY
Why are we experiencing conflict?
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don’t get it.”
James 4:1
THREE DESIRES THAT WHEN THWARTED HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR CONFLICT
1. The desire to POSSESS. The craving to “have.” In the James’ passage it reads, you want something and don’t get it.
2.The desire for PLEASURE. This is the desire to “feel.” James 4:3 speaks about this . . . you want only what will give you pleasure.
3. The desire to elevate or maintain personal PRIDE. This is the desire to “be.” We can easily get in a fighting mood if our pride is hurt in any way. Pride is often a catalyst for fighting. Proverbs 13:10 states it well Pride only leads to arguments. (LB)
So, the desire to possess, the desire for pleasure, and the desire to maintain or enhance personal pride are reasons why we fight. I desire to have. I desire to do. I desire to be. Now the desire to possess and the desire for pleasure and the desire to maintain personal pride don’t always lead to a fight. They are, in and of themselves, not always necessarily wrong. However, whenever our desires or our expectations are uncontrolled or ungodly then we have all the ingredients necessary for an incredible relational explosion.
RULE #2 . . . FIX THE PROBLEM NOT THE BLAME
When we focus on blame we often focus on people. When we focus on problems we often focus on solutions. Anyone can fix the blame but wise people seek to fix the problem.
The goal in any act of conflict resolution is to become one O-N-E not to determine who won W-O-N. As soon as you think “I won!” or “I am going to win this one!” You lose because oneness isn’t about who wins or who one but are we one. So, don’t try to win, speak and think about how to best make become one. And don’t stop until you are down the pathway to oneness.
RULE #3 . . . TALK IT OUT
Ephesians 4:15 & 25. . . speak the truth in love.
First, we are to speak. Second, we are to speak the truth. That is, my words must have integrity. I speak accurately. I don’t exaggerate and use words like always and never. “You never put your clothes away.” “You always waste our money.” That is not speaking the truth. Third, I must speak in love. I must speak with love. We must ask, “Is what I am saying in both content and delivery and purpose spoken in love or is my speech without the love that is necessary?”
RULE #4 . . . NO MIND READING
Jesus could mind read and walk on water. You and I cannot do either. Yet we often act as if we can!
Stop believing you can determine a person's motives. Stay far away from telling a person why they did something. Most of us have difficulty figuring out our own motives so how can we determine the motives of others? Have you noticed how hard it is sometimes to figure out why we do what we do?
As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t prove I’m right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives.
1 Corinthians 4:3-4
RULE #5 . . . BE GENTLE
There are three responses to out-of-control-anger. We can express it. We can suppress it. Or we can confess it. We can express it to the other person and escalate the conflict. We can suppress it inside ourselves and let it eat away. Or we can confess it to God and ask him for help and turn it all over to him.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
RULE #6 . . . NO HISTORY LESSONS
Most of us have trouble dealing with one conflict at a time but when we pull a trainload of history up to the station it is impossible to deal with a load like that. Most times we dig up the dirt of the past to help us look better in the present.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to each other …
Ephesians 4:31
RULE #7 . . . FORGIVE
Ephesians 4:32 reads:
Forgive each other just as in Christ God forgave you
It’s all about pursuing being ONE. Do you fight to win or do you fight to be one? If you fight to win you lose. If you fight to be ONE you win because you have done all you can control and that gives God the chance to do his thing along with you.