H2O Church
This is part 5 in this series, as pastor Steve shares about his experience of shame in his life.
Three questions:
1) What is shame?
2) What does Shame do?
3) What causes Shame to grow?
1) What is Shame?
“Guilt is feeling bad about what I’ve done,” and “Shame is feeling bad about what I am.”
The most powerful place Shame begins is in our homes and in our hearts
“Shame is a painful belief or sense of feeling flawed, defective and unacceptable as you are.” (From Shame to Beauty p 21.)
What shame is:
That voice inside that says, I’m one down. I’m less than. I don’t deserve – I’m not enough – I’m too broken – too sinful – too ugly – too worthless.
It’s a lie that we accept as truth.
2) And what Shame does: Shame puts love in prison.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brene’ Brown
Hope is extinguished in shame. Faith ceases to function in a personal way
So shame reinforces aloneness, extinguishes hope and creates a non-functional faith.
3) What causes shame to grow:
A personal story: Blows, Echos and the Pits – A story in 3 ½ acts.
What causes Shame to Grow?
Things you find in my story -
Hiddenness/ Aloneness/ Lack of Hope
The very things that Shame BRINGS REINFORCE Shame.
It is a self-perpetuating, self reinforcing cycle!
Shame produces the atmosphere that Shame flourishes in!!
Shame Grows in an atmosphere of
Imprisoned Love
Extinguished Hope
Non-Functional Faith
4) The Antidote to Shame.
The H2O Leadership Team is Declaring War on Shame.
Our battle is not against who or what we think.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Eph 6:12 NASB
The enemy’s battle plans:
John 10:10 NASB1995
Through Shame we have observed he:
Steals connection through isolation
Kills hope by convincing us there’s no way forward
Destroys faith operating at a personal level
Where do we start?
In James 4:6 ESV
“But he gives more grace
Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
Now THERE’S hope! Resist and he’ll flee!!
How do I Resist?
Four Dynamics of Resisting.
Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
Cleanse your hands, you sinners, you double-minded.
Be wretched and mourn and weep.
Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.
James 4:6-10 ESV
Four Dynamics of the Resistance
One – Draw near to God
Two – Cleanse your hands
Three – Mourn well
Four – Humble yourself.
Identify pride in our hearts and we get favor from him we didn’t feel we deserve. Grace.
And with that grace we’re already starting on that first dynamic – Drawing near to God.
Dynamic one: Draw near to God
Dynamic two: Cleanse your hands, you sinners! You doubleminded.
Guilt says I’ve done something wrong. Shame says I am something wrong. Brene’ Brown
Is it not a surprise that in Revelation Satan is called the “Accuser of the bretheren … who accuses them before our God day and night.” Rev 12:10 NASB
The Accuser accuses.
And we have to grow in awareness and discernment.
When am I being Convicted.
When am I being Accused?
One leads to life the other leads to death.
Dynamic One – Draw near to God
Two – Cleanse your hands
Three – Mourn well
2 Corinthians 7:10
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation [translate it’s adaptive, It leads to sanctification] and leaves no regret.
But worldly sorrow brings death.
See what this Godly sorrow has produced in you:
What earnestness, what eagerness to cleanse yourselves
What indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern
What readiness to see justice done!
2 Cor 7:10 NIV
Zaccheus – I give half my goods to the poor
and if I’ve defrauded anyone I’ll restore four times what I took!
That’s not hiding. That’s not shame. It’s Guilt providing a path forward!
So Mourn Well. Don’t run away from Godly sorrow.
So we have four dynamics:
One – Draw near to God
Two – Cleanse your hands
Three – Mourn well
Four – Humble yourself.
Where do I start?
Start where you are!
Is there a safe person who is mature enough to handle you being real with them and won’t likely purposefully shame you who you can talk to about your shame?
Who is that?
Your Small Group Leader? Life Group Leader? H2o leader or Pastor?
Let them know.
It’s not about figuring out exactly the right step to take – it’s about understanding you’re not alone in your shame unless you choose to be. So choose not to be. Start to engage in your own War on Shame!