H2O Church
This is part 2 of this series. In week 1, we traced God's endless pursuit to REMOVE our shame through the imagery (foreshadowing) of the Old Testament to the cross and resurrection. In this talk, John shames his personal struggle with shame, focusing on the Fatherhood of God as his path to freedom.
“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.” Paul Tournier
A simple description: Guilt=feeling bad about what you’ve done. Shame=feeling bad about what you are.
“Guilt was not my problem as I felt it. What I felt most was a glob of unworthiness that I could not tie down to any concrete sins I was guilty of. What I needed more than pardon was a sense that God accepted me, owned me, held me, affirmed me, and would never let go of me even if he was not too impressed with what he had on his hands.” Lewis Smedes
Christ died for the guilt of our sin. But Christ didn’t just die for the guilt of our sin; He died to heal our shame.
Introductory thoughts about shame.
1. It’s a sense of worthlessness or feeling unworthy; the sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being, and consequently, CAN’T be loved.
2. It comes from many different things. It might result from a painful experience, from painful words, from a specific point in time that you can point to, or from a general environment in the home.
3. It manifests in many different ways.It can lead to playing small or playing large, both are forms of make-believing. As Lecrae said, “And now look at us all out of Eden, Wearing designer fig leaves by Louis Vuitton, Make-believing.”
4. It hides really well, and is extremely powerful. It’s so powerful that some of us here will avoid relationships for the rest of our lives, fearing that we might be known and rejected.
5. It produces a panoply of symptoms. defensiveness; low self esteem; negative self talk; depression; lack of vulnerability; playing it safe; hyper-competence; people-pleasing; pride; control.
6. It causes us to lose ourselves.
“The more we get what we now call ‘ourselves’ out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.” C.S. Lewis
“…in writing some thoughts about a father, or not having a father, I feel as though I'm writing a book about a troll under a bridge or a dragon. For me, a father was nothing more than a character in a fairy tale. I know fathers are not like dragons because fathers actually exist. I have seen them on television and sliding their arms around their wives in grocery stores, and I have seen them in the malls and in the coffee shops, but these were characters in other people's stories. The sad thing is, as a kid, I wondered why I couldn't have a dragon, but I never wondered why I didn't have a father.” Donald Miller
How shame manifested in MY life…
1. The pursuit of validation through accomplishment.
“I have an iron will, and all of my will has always been to conquer some horrible feeling of inadequacy. . . I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being, and then I get to another stage and think I'm mediocre and uninteresting. . . . Again and again. My drive in life is from this horrible fear of being mediocre. And that's always pushing me, pushing me. Because even though I've become Somebody, I still have to prove I'm Somebody. My struggle has never ended and it probably never will.” Madonna.
2. The pursuit of validation through sex.
Pro 27:7 says, “to a famished man any bitter thing is sweet.”
3. Stuffing the pain/ anguish of my heart and emotions.
Jeremiah 2:13 ESV
Becoming a DAD saved me because it opened up to me the love of an eternal Father.
Hosea 11:1-4 ESV
Psalm 37:23-24 ESV
How we think about Repentance.
Repentance means to turn from your sin and your life of autonomy, that is, living without God, to God, to trust Him and follow Him because Jesus died on the cross and God is good. But the image Jesus gave us in the story of the Prodigal Son is of a son returning to the Father and being clothed, dignified and celebrated. Repentance, illustrated, is returning to be re-Fathered by God.
Stuff to Ponder
1. What connected with you most about this talk?
2. How would you describe the difference between shame and guilt?
John shared about how shame has manifested in his life. How do you think shame has manifested in your life?
3. C.S. Lewis said, “The more we get what we now call ‘ourselves’ out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.” Can you track progress in your own life, in becoming yourself? If so, how? How do you think shame holds you back from being yourself?
4. How did John redefine or illustrate repentance in this talk?
5. For further study on the Fatherhood of God— Luke 15:11-52; Luke 11:2; Galatians 3:26; John 1:12-13; 2 Corinthians 6:18; 1 John 3:1; Hosea 11:1-4; Ps 37:23-24; Psalm 103:13; 2 Corinthians 1:3; Matthew 6:26; Psalm 68:5; Deuteronomy 8:5; Hebrews 12:5-6; Jeremiah 31:9; Exodus 4:22; Isaiah 63:16; Psalm 2:7