North Anderson Baptist Church
Over the years in ministry I have run across situations just like this one of which Peter speaks in 1 Peter 3:1-7. I believe his ideas are relevant for today. If you are not married, what he says is still important for these principles are for life.
1 Peter 3:1-7 NIV
Context is always vital, and today it is extremely important. We must remember that Peter is writing Christians who are living in the middle of a very large Roman empire that is often hostile to Christians. So, Peter’s words here are written to encourage Christians not to disengage from society but, in fact, to live in the midst of a pagan world and influence it where it can be influenced. (Sovereign Grace Church 5/17/19)
While the second chapter spoke of submission, the subject is continued here and Peter speaks specifically to wives being submissive to their husbands. But if there is a subject filled with dynamite today, that is it. Be careful, don’t touch that one, someone will seek to crucify or cancel you out!
Here we are...
1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV
1. Submission to an unsaved husband v.1-2
What does Peter mean in the same way? I believe he is referring to the last part of chapter two when Peter spoke about the submission of Jesus to the cross to win over the lost to Himself. Evidently there were a lot of women who came out of the pagan lifestyle to become believers. Many of these were married and their husbands were still lost. Peter is guiding them on how they can truly witness to the spouses in a Christ-like manner. If they came in after meeting with other believers and began speaking of what happened and constantly reminding her husband that he needed to get saved, he may turn a deaf ear to her all the time. Peter says, live your life in front of your husband with grace and truth, having the attitude and actions of Christ, being sensitive and caring to him and his needs. Why? So that he might see the new you and turn from his sin to Christ.
Peter says when told what to by your husband, don’t argue or rebel but to submit willinging to care for that need he might have. Someone has said that to submit is to “cooperate voluntarily with someone out of love and respect for God and for that person.” This wife Peter is speaking of, should choose to voluntarily support and care for her husband in hope he will see her character and change in her life and turn himself over to Christ.
How often have you heard me say that witnessing isn’t just living a godly life before people but you need to talk to and tell them the Gospel. That is true, but here your mate who knows you, has hopefully heard you share the Gospel once or twice, it is time now that you “show” them. By your love and kindness and purity, without nagging or complaining, one can get the attention of someone you love and show them Jesus. These women in the first century were fighting so much in regard to being heard anyway. In the Greco-Roman world husbands had complete control in the marriage and wives had no rights. Peter was cautioning the women to be careful with their new found freedom in Christ and be wise with how it is used in marriage.
Today ladies, your submission would be an obvious shock to your husband! They would want to know, What’s up‽
Barnes says, “The Christian wife was to continue to respect her husband rather than lording her faith over him. She was to do good to her husband so that he would see her faith in action and potentially come to faith in Christ himself.” Barnes
My first church as a youth minister, I had a lady that was in this same situation. She had become a Christian and her husband was not interested. She asked advice from me once, since her child was in our youth group. She said that her husband wanted her to stop coming to church all the time. We talked about all the things related to this and one of the things we talked of was agreeing with her husband to give up some of the services and spend time with him and the family. A good compromise was worked out between them and hopefully over the long haul he was convinced of her devotion to him and the family and as well as to the love she had for Christ.
1 Peter 3:3-5 NIV
2. Wives adornment - v.3-5
The grand thing which she was to seek, was not that which is merely external, but that which is internal, and which God regards as of so great value. Barnes
Because of our society and all the importance they put on outward adornment, even in men, if a woman who is known for all that she desires in the way of fine jewelry, make-up, hairdos, etc… were to get saved and follow Peter’s advice, their husbands would set up and take notice. You see, God desires that people see the inward beauty of a person and not just the outward extras of this physical life. (But, let me warn that if there is a true repentance and change, one has to not compromise with the world and continue to look and do things like was done before salvation for then the witness of your spiritual change might not be seen, it would only be heard.)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking good and wearing wonderful and fine clothing or jewelry, etc… but making that more important than the real person inside you and even allowing all that on the outside to cover up the truth of the inner beauty would be a shame. “The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight…” will truly shine into the lives of those around them.
J. Vernon McGee once said to a group of girls who were attending a college where they had been told they should wear no make-up or anything of the worldly adornment and not dress but in plain clothing, "Some of you would look a little bit better if you would put on just a little make-up, because you look like you came out of the morgue. That is simply not attractive, and it does not commend you to God."
Some people think that even if you get saved that you don’t have to change everything about yourself. There are things that may very well need to be changed to honor and glorify God with who you are now. It was obvious in the past that the women did show a change and it was significant and helpful to their Christian lives. In that day, it was obvious coming from a pagan background the new Christian would have to stop going to the pagan temple and worshiping the pagan gods. Today, when it is suggested when people get saved that they might consider some changes to their lives, people get offended. When that happens, do you know what that means? There may be pride about themselves in the way they look and think more of what they want than what God might want for them. Also, that may be a clear indication that a person might not have really been saved if there is not a surrender of their life to Christ. Yes, sometimes the changes come gradually and that is acceptable to Christ, for He knows what we deal with on an individual basis, but that is left up to the Lord, we humans need to be careful in judging other’s Christianity, God is the Judge. Try to always remember that God has said,
1 Samuel 16:7 NIV
1 Peter 3:5-6 NIV
3. Following the example of Sara in submission - v. 5-6
It is always good to have an example to follow. Some of these women would have known who Sara was and others they would have needed more explanation from the leaders of the church. But Peter offers Sara up as an example of submission to her husband in the family.
Peter explains and then give women an example to follow. Sarah had proper adornment. She followed her husband and he led her into godliness. She wasn’t perfect, and there were times when she didn’t submit. But overall the portrait of Sarah was a godly woman whose adorning was internal. Barnes
If a new believer really wanted to get some help in following an example there are many wonderful women in the church who live godly lives and are willingly following their husband’s lead that they can learn from if they really wanted to. We have many women here in this church that could be of assistance in this manner.
Again, let’s be clear here. Women are not to be made a doormat in their relationship with their husbands. But Peter is seeking to help new believers to reach their unbelieving husbands and become the witness in life that Christ desires. The world does not understand this quality of Christ. They will deride those who seek to become submissive for Christ sake. Please know that God calls us all to submit to one another and to Him.
Ephesians 5:21 NIV
Paul is not only talking to the church as a whole but he starts the conversation about husbands and wives with this statement that they need to submit to one another in the Lord. Christ is the head of the home and we all seek to follow Him. Christ is our example in seeking to reach out and find the lost.
Luke 19:10 NIV
All Christians should, in every way possible, do the same as Christ has done and it might just be in your own home. Loving them, sacrificing for them, submitting to and fulfilling their needs, caring for them and when all else falls short live your Christ-like life before them showing your love of Christ to them.
1 Peter 3:7 NIV
1 Peter 3:7 NIV
4. Husbands treat your wives with respect - v. 7
Maybe you noticed that there were 6 verses for the wife and only 1 for the husband. Take note though the content in this one verse. There are three things that Peter speaks to the husbands about. Evidently he is thinking that he is clearly speaking to the saved husband and how he is to treat his wife. As wives are to be considerate of their husbands, then the man of the family is to be considerate of and thinking of the wife’s needs before his own. The submission concept is putting the other before yourself in all that you do. Husbands if you are so selfish that your wife gets your left overs in time, money, attention and care, then you are not in a Christ-like submissive relationship. Your wife should be the first on your list and she should have priority over all in your life. Being submissive to one another there will be no burdening demands from either one on the other. It is a partnership with roles that God has given us and it is a team. Paul puts it like this for the husbands who are godly,
Ephesians 5:25 NIV
Peter tells the husband, who are following the Lord with love for their wives, these three things:
a. Treat them with respect because they the weaker vessel
b. Treat them with respect because they equal with you before God
c. Treat them with respect so your prayer will not be hindered
a. Husbands treat your wives with respect because she is the weaker vessel.
On the whole, women are not as strong physically as men. There are exceptions, but Peter is speaking about the average woman. Men do what is needed to help out when the physical labor is hard and it would be difficult for your wife. Some women pride themselves in taking care of it all alone, and one day they might have to but while the husband is around that is what he is supposed to do for his wife.
It is more than that. Men are to treat their wives with kindness and care showing that it is important to them that their wife knows she is safe and cared for and she need not worry about herself or her family. Regarding the safety of the family, husbands need to be prepared to protect from all things that might harm your family.
Galatians 3:26-29 NIV
b. Wives are to be treated with respect, for they are as equal before God.
Before God women and men are equal. We have the same promise of eternal life with God in heaven because of their salvation and therefore before God wives and husbands are able to have the same reward. Husbands should not treat their wives as subordinate to them in Christ, that is wrong!
c. Husbands do you want God to hear your prayers? Then treat your wives with respect.
Respect is, “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements...”(Yahoo definition) Wives are to be treated with respect...husbands have that deep admiration for your wife because of her abilities, qualities and achievements and realize that you not only should do it because of the love you have for her but that she deserves it for all she does for you and the family. Respect is something that is mostly earned. But Peter says nothing here about earning it but that the husband must respect her if he wants God to hear his prayers.
Lots of problems come in families because the husband doesn't treat their wife with respect and nothing is getting through in prayer to the Lord. A husband may think that he can do anything he wants because he is the husband, the man, but he is sadly wrong. There is nothing in the Gospel about that and that kind of behavior leads to destruction of life and family. Men respecting your wife and proving it by your actions will get your prayers heard by God the Father, as long as the other areas of your life are right with the Lord.
Invitation
So, what type of invitation should there be?
Wives - Submit to your husbands in the manner that we have spoken of if you are not presently doing so.
Wives - Become a woman that is adorned inwardly with the Spirit of Christ baring all the characteristics that will show the love of Jesus in you.
Wives - Seek to find an example that you can follow and get godly advice for your life and marriage or become that example for others who are needing the help of godly women.
Husbands - Be respectful of your wives in three ways, because they are physically weaker and need your help in your marriage that can relieve their burdens when necessary; to respect them because they are your equal before the Lord God Almighty and what God has said you are not to disagree with; and, you are to respect your wife and treat them kindly and lovingly so your prayers won’t be hindered.
If any of these happens to be what you need to do then you should present yourself before the Lord here at the service or at home. God will hear the prayer of a sincere and righteous person.
James 5:16 NIV
Also my dear friend, you have heard the Gospel, that Jesus Christ died for your sins and was buried and then was raised from the dead. If you will accept that truth by faith and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord then he says in the Word of God that you will be saved.
Romans 10:9-13 NIV
If today God has touched your heart with the truth, turn from your sin and accept Him as your Lord and Savior this very moment. We will rejoice with you and follow up if you let us know what God has done in your life.