Sin gives short-term pleasure.
You are free to choose but you can never choose the choice without choosing the consequence.
God chose Moses when he was a baby and when he was a grown man, Moses had to choose God. It's a matter of maturity and responsibility.
Where do you need to start accepting responsibility for your life?
Who are you blaming? You are as happy as you choose to be. Happiness is a choice. Being close to God is a choice. You can't live off someone else's spirituality.
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners to it. It has influenced you, but it doesn’t have to control you. Others can scar your life, but nobody but you can ruin your life. You have the power of choice.
God has promises for our pain.